Wednesday, October 11, 2017

Hump Day Blues

 Begin day by oversleeping.  Check.
         Take dog out so husband can sleep off pain of wrenched back.  (Condition courtesy of 13 month old, 95 lb. enthusiastic Lab who escaped from truck at Post Office on Tuesday and pretended to be deaf.  Said escapee proceeded out of parking lot at high speed to chase a log truck, narrowly missed getting hit by a car, toured the houses next door and only came running when Hubby put truck in gear as if to leave him.)
         Come back in, hand Inmate #1 a dog treat.  He runs to sit on couch and eat it, eyeing Hubby warily.
         Check on Hubby.  Condition update: may not be back.  Could be kidney stone.
         Offer to stay home to keep eye on Hubby rejected.
         Caution dog to be good and stay clear of Hubby.  I think dog nods.  There are rumors of a shock collar in his future.
         Arrive at work.  First two events of my day canceled to attend mandatory District meeting.  Place note on door for Group 3 to expect me at 12:30 p.m..
         Intestinal track objects to last night’s dinner. Run to bathroom. 
         Check e-mail.
         Revisit bathroom.
       Read news.  Learned Press Secretary is daughter of former Gov. Mike Huckabee.
         Back to bathroom.  Not sure if it’s dinner or the morning news.
      Go to meeting.  Sit through power point presentation dealing with integrating online registration.  Concept applies to only five of the 50 people present.
         Break into groups.  Supervisor tells us to count off, “1, 2, 1 ,2…” to split us into two groups for 20 minute sessions.
         Coworker asks, “Am I a 1 or a 2?” 
         Resist urge to smack my forehead.  These people work with children after school.  Supervisor and I help them count.  One looks confused.  I resist urge to smack another forehead.
         Counting system puts me in a group having nothing to do with my job.  Learned 4H isn’t just for raising cows/chickens to show at county fair.  Now they teach computer coding and rocket building.
         Go to 2nd group.  First group still being held hostage.
         Glance at watch.  Have to be back in 30 minutes to let in my group.  Exit to car.
         Car turns traitor.  Without warning, engine won’t turn over.
         Review my accumulated knowledge of vehicle malfunctions.  Two minutes later, call Hubby….who is at work 30 miles away.
         Am instructed to check battery cable connection.  Send photo of gizmo placed over battery to ensure that the message, “Remove cover to check battery” isn’t a trick.  Why hide the battery?
         Did I mention it’s hot and humid outside?
         Checked cables. Didn’t help.  Cursed.  Didn’t help either but it made me forget the heat for a moment. 
         Sister-in-law to the rescue, on her day off.  She has jumper cables.  (And yes, we know how to use them).
         SIL can’t get close enough to my car.  Asks me if I can back up.  I simply reply, “I can’t” and watch that, “I did NOT just say that!” look glint in her eyes.
         SIL has to leave parking lot, go around block and enter from the other direction. 
         Call office (50 feet behind me) in case Group 3 wonders where I am.  Get answering machine…because they’re all eating BBQ.
         SIL and I get car cranked.  Report to Hubby.  Am advised to IMMEDIATELY go to auto place down the street and have battery replaced. 
         SIL insists on following, yet somehow ends up ahead of me due to traffic lights.
         Call the office.  Get a human.  Tell my sad tale, add I’m on my way to get a new battery, so if Group 3 calls, I’ll get there.
         Note to self: people filled with BBQ can only mutter, “Okay” after a trying personal moment is shared.
         Enter the Forbidden Zone…a.k.a. auto parts place, where women are generally invisible or huffed at.
         Am waited on by woman I actually see eye to eye with.  We exchange notes on the dangers of being short.  She tests my battery…it’s at half speed.
         The purchase tests my wallet.  When did batteries get so damn expensive?!  You’d think it was gold plated.  Mine was the “Silver Level” .  Honestly, I expected a little bling.
         Nice guy installs battery as SIL and I wait.  Hand him battery cover, which fell into floorboard in 2 pieces.  He notes one is upside down.  Feels need to literally point that out while reading the crap about removing cover to get to battery.  Lose cool chick points.
         Did I mention how dang hot and humid it is?
        Return to work.  Find twice the number expected in Group 3.  Apologize profusely.  They’re in cars, eating lunch.  And smiling.
         Call Hubby to give update.  Hear shock collar has just been delivered.
         Note to self: don’t jump out of truck at Post Office and run around being nosy.
         Life is filled with moments that make you go, “ARGHH!”.  But senior citizens have experienced enough of those moments to show sympathy instead of anger.
         Next goal.  Uneventful ride home.
         Reminder to self: country deer have their eye on the ladies right now, not cars.


savannah said...

There is only one thing left to say: It's 8:32 on Wednesday night, so the mess that was today is almost over! xoxox

Ponita in Real Life said...

Wow. I don't envy you that day at all! Mine was busy but not nuts, so I can't complain. Although my feet and back did. That's what I get after a day of standing on my feet with only being able to sit down at lunch and coffee.

Good luck with the shock collar. I have a friend who breeds dobermans and she uses them all the time. Hope it works. That dog is turning into an elephant!!

hope said...

Sav: I've never been worried about Friday the 13th (generally a lucky day) but that Wed. was like all crap rolled into one. I actually wrote this to make me laugh, because when piled together it became quite comical. After 3 hours and some air conditioning. :)

Ponita: how did I miss your ER visit?! Hope you're feeling better! My understanding is that our 4 legged kid gets a beep warning, then a vibrate warning, then a shock...which is on the lowest setting. He learned that order the first hour, according to Hubby. On the way inside that night, he wanted to chase a truck...and learned again that NO! means just that and on the 3rd no, life isn't fun. I was allowed to take the collar off when he comes inside. He stuck real close to me. Hubby said that on Day 2, he only had to get to Step 2 before our kid decided he'll agree to No. :) The guy who loaned it to us said it took his dog a week. I'm hoping that's the case here...Bourbon isn't dumb, he's just stubborn.