Some Mondays are odder than others, making it difficult to scratch my head in bemusement and type at the same time. So far:
A woman called about renting my Gym. My Center doesn't have a gym. But one of our other sites does...and their phone number is one different than mine. So I politely inquired if perhaps she meant that facility, as we don't have a gym.
"No!," she snapped, "I mean yours."
"Ma'am, we don't have a gym," I reiterated politely.
"Yes you do!" she insisted. "I've been there and it's big. Now how much is it to rent the Gym?"
Now our HQ building has a Gym, so I think maybe she means that one. "Ma'am I don't have a gym. Could you be thinking of the one on Main Street?"
"No, I want to rent YOUR gym," she snips at me as if I'm brain dead. "How much is it?"
"Ma'am," I begin firmly, teetering on the edge of losing polite all together, "this facility does not have a gym. We have a cafeteria style room which we rent."
"How big is it?"
Knowing anyone wanting to rent a gym is not interested in my small space, I soldier on. "There are eight, 8' tables which seat 64."
"That's not big enough. I need to rent your gym," she huffs.
Maybe she's hard of hearing instead of hard headed. A little louder, still with a hint of polite, I say firmly, "Ma'am, I DO NOT have a gym."
She cuts me off with, "Well if you're located on Pine Street, then you do have a Gym because I've been in it."
"No Ma'am, I'm not at that address," and as I proceed to tell her where I am, she hangs up. Well, slams the phone down if you want to be truthful.
So I go back to my kitchen and finish my prep work for tomorrow's lunch as one of my more affluent senior citizens paces the floor, talking on her cell phone. This was a woman I remember from my childhood; a local dancer who I thought was beautiful. I tried ignoring the conversation but as it got louder on her end, that was next to impossible. Short version: it was her third attempt to get her prescriptions straight and she was a busy woman who DID NOT have time to spend on hold an hour per conversation.
No one likes to be put on hold...but the card players in the other room had put their game on hold waiting for her conversation to end. They were fine with it, comparing Easter holiday notes as I peeled potatoes. I'd just been thinking what an odd job I have sometimes, somewhere between Director, Referee and Mother Hen. The card group forgot napkins. Did I have some? And ice...could I get ice for their drinks? I did, then returned to KP duty as I worked my way through a 10 lb. bag of spuds. An hour earlier I'd played Janitor and removed something disgusting from the bathroom trashcan which I'd emptied for our holiday long weekend. Unfortunately, one of the last people in the building thought it was a great place to run back in and toss a bag of lunchtime leftovers while I was closing up another room. Suffice to say it was not a charming aroma this morning.
Anyway, as I'm pondering how many hats I wear in one day, the woman snapped her phone shut. Storming into the next room, she apologized to the group and added in a snooty tone, "I'd like to have a job in government. They don't do anything but use the 'hold' button and collect money."
As a government employee on the bottom of the totem pole, this was hardly heartwarming. The worst part is I've sadly learned the woman whom I'd so admired as a child is actually a snobby witch who believes most people are not only beneath her socially, but intellectually inferior as well. After all, she writes the critiques of the city's Art Shows, Theater plays and visiting entertainers for the local newspaper.
A very evil part of me wanted to whisper, "The LOCAL paper. Not exactly the New York Times." But I just peeled potatoes...and turned them into potato salad.
I re-entered my office in time for the phone to ring. Answering, I heard the voice of the "Gym Lady" on the line as she blurted out, "Oh never mind! Not you," and slammed down the phone.
Wow, and that was just my first two hours at work.
Last week one of my seniors took a look at these and asked,
"Why do you have such large wine glasses in the hall?
You can't serve alcohol here."
When I pointed out they were candle holders, she looked in one, took out a candle, then replaced it with a mystified, "Hmm."
You know, I don't drink...and I'm thinking maybe that's a good thing given this morning and the size of those candle holders. (And yes, I went back and straightened that candle after the photo was taken.)
So, I wish you a stress free week, filled more with laughter than loonies.