Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Wordy Wednesday? Wacky Wednesday? Whiny Wednesday?

Or (D)...all of the above. 

The truth is I AM STUCK.  And it stinks.

Yes, I know.  Real adults don’t whine.  They take risks.  Leaps of faith.

But I have short legs.  Never been a really strong jumper.

Yes, as Captain of my Destiny, I hold the key to freedom.  I'm just not sure what I did with the key. Perhaps it flung itself overboard, taking Peace of mind, Self Fulfillment and Making a Difference with it.  The ship is sinking and unlike Captains of old who went down with theirs, I’m not feeling all that loyal.  I’d mutiny, but at the moment I feel more like that red shirted Ensign being sent out on an important mission in the final frontier. 

And we know how well that always turns out.

I am tired of arguing with…me.  Intellectual Me knows it’s time to move on from a job sucking the life out of me.  Common Sense Me points out my family is made up of more than just my needs.  Scared *!@#less Me wonders how to give up hard earned seniority to start from scratch.   I’m at a weird age.   I’m not a kid.  I’m not old.  I’m standing at the crossroads of Where-do-you-fit-into-our-plans? vs. DO-you-fit-into- anyone’s-plan?

And I thought being 13 was a nightmare.

Realistic Me voices concern that job jumping in a shaky economy is stupid while  You’ve Got To Be Kidding! Me is protesting a disinterest in cultivating a crop of ulcers just to make others look good.  My Heart suggests I do what I do best.  Write. My Brain interjects a reminder of how many gazillion people in the world believe they are writers.

Unemployed writers.

My Sense of Humor promises never to desert me.  I’ve always loved it best.  And trusted it most.

I’ve always had public service jobs because I actually enjoy helping people.  Making a difference.  (Kindly hum Kumbaya to yourself.).  It’s what I’m good at: making other people’s lives easier. 

Oh, the irony. 

My current mood is: Cranky.   And I hate it.  But I’ve been worn down.  Rubbed raw by people who strive daily to be mediocre…as long as they don’t have to stretch too hard to attain it.  I'm surrounded by mental midgets who think I’m the idiot because my belief is you’re suppose to do more than unlock the door and turn on the lights to earn a paycheck.  Their motto is, “Do no more than you’re told…and as little as possible at all other times.” 

I’m not wired that way.   I actually care.  I care, therefore I am frustrated, angry, embarrassed and tired.  Very tired.

Yesterday I bottomed out.  I felt Me crawling into myself and pulling down the hatch door to seal out the world.  And just before I could yell,  “Leave me the hell alone!”, I  read something which made me squirm. “Life experiences are like quarters, you lose both when you are sitting around on the couch.”

Hatch door open. 

I don’t mind getting up off the couch.  I simply need to locate more than the front door.  Maybe one of you could kindly assist with kicking my butt out of Park and into Drive? Or impersonate a cheerleader.  Whichever you’re better at.

Sure, intelligent walking means having a direction.  Maybe today I could focus on locating a map.   Start planning that walk.   Maybe today could turn into  Why Not? Wednesday.  

Um, could someone please hand me something else to wear while I get out of this Red Shirt?


savannah said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
savannah said...

(yeah, i had to trash the first comment. too many mistakes because I was laughing.)

hang in there, sister. it is wednesday after all! i mean, it ain't called hump day for nothing! ;~) *picture me doing a friday night cheerleader routine at the local high school football game (ok, a much, much, much younger version of me) because you know i'm cheering FOR YOU!* (ok, now if you aren't falling off your chair laughing...) xoxoxoxox

Anonymous said...

Just take a tip from me and tell the world to "Bite You" Come close real close Hope and I'll give ya a quick stiff kick in the ass to get ya out the door!! And while I'm at it I'll put a bungee cord on ya so when you are on your way I can taga long with ya. Now I don't do cheerleading at all so i'm just gonna be a mascot of a duck and say "Quack Quack...Buck Up" Oh and yeah, hump day sounds like a plan to me :)

Monkey Man said...

I think there is a lot of that going around right now. One thing is certain, if you are going to leave a job....don't leave before you have a new one.

Mama Zen said...

I feel for you. That is an all around sucky position to be in.

mapstew said...

You thinking of leaping? Just make sure to look first. Then again,I'd still be working 12 hour shifts driving long-distance up and down the country delivering peoples lost luggage if I hadn't taken the leap! Being blind (drunk) helped me make my decision though!

You know you always make me smile! :¬)


hope said...

Sav I envision you as the great cheerleader you are...pompoms and short skirts optional. ;)

Thom, how did I know you'd be the first to offer to kick my butt? :) But it's only because you care. Right? Right?! :)

Monkey Man I've always been like that: if I am about to exit, there's always been another job already signed up for. I'm just trying to encourage me into at least trying rather than sitting here being miserable.

Thanks Mama Zen. That helps. Honest.

Map, I'm ALWAYS thinking of leaping lately...yesterday just became more of a mental nudge. Hey, maybe YOU'RE the Map I needed today. :) I don't drink but feel free to down one in my gratitude for making you smile.

Janie B said...

That is EXACTLY how I've been feeling lately. We need a "boost" of something. I hope you can come to a conclusion about what to do. It looks like I'm not going to.

Brighid said...

Throw off the shackles of doubt and go for it. So much better to have taken that leap, than wollowing in despair. We have your back!