Thursday, September 10, 2009

Wanted: REAL Representation

South Carolina native voter with brain and manners in tact, in search of human being able to function as a political representative of the people of this state. It is understood that the words "human being" and "political representative" used in close proximity may appear to be an oxymoron.

Individuals wishing to apply for the position should be willing to actually show up for work and not take unscheduled mystery vacations on government time/money in order to decide if Argentinian women are preferable to the American one who gave up her Wall Street career to marry said ingrate and almost lost her life while giving birth to their 4th son. The ability to think clearly utilizing the upper brain preferred.

In addition candidates for the position of STATESMAN, which use to mean listening, thinking and then speaking should also be able to apply, at all times, the manners their southern Mama taught them. If unable to keep one's tongue in check during moments of duress in the presence of the President, said candidate should employ, out of his/her own pocket, an assistant who is capable of split second timing and can apply an appropriate strip of duct tape prior to inappropriate comments being caught on CNN and every other news outlet available. Failure to do so would result in a rebate to all constituents, out of said government employee's deep pockets.

FOR SALE: one slightly used Governor and a childish Congressman. Will trade for cow or magic beans.

10 comments:

Susan at Stony River said...

Shall I call Spock? He'd be great.

Meanwhile, sorry about the asshole governor. But look on the bright side, now South Carolina's world famous. Eh? Eh? (Seriously)

Janie B said...

Hilarious way to look at this awful situation. Very funny post...not so funny reality.

Chef Kar said...

I think your "ad" has been appropriate to some degree for every state at one time or another. We could perhaps have a "fill-in-the-blank" generic format applicable to all posts within government?

~Chef Kar

grace said...

Love your humor on Sanford..he's is just trying to "fall in love with his wife again..Holy crap, are you kidding me! How do you spell mid-life crisis?
Look who's talking...we have Blaggo to still contend with...oh and the many that came before him.
We are known for our shady politicians.
We are called the Windy city,... not because of the wind off of the lake (brrrrrr) but because of the wind coming out of our elected offical's mouths!
Oh dear!

hope said...

Susan, as long as Spock didn't sign up as a Republican in this state, he might stand a chance. I don't know if it's the heat or the hormones. :0 Our idiot Governor's shanigans were bad enough but last night we added an idiot Congressman...who yelled at the President during a live speech, "You lie!"

How adult. [Insert rolling eyeballs]

Janie B., some weeks are best left forgotten. Personally, I'm glad I vote Independent...means I don't have to "explain" some of this behavior to the other side. :)

Chef, sad fact, huh? Hubby says it's because we have more news coverage...I think the pols are just getting lazy and don't care. You got a sauce to cover that? :)

Grace, I'm beginning to think this stupidity in DC is more contagious than swine flu. I know people who say "Throw the bums out!" but with so many of them needing to pack up and move on, will there be anyone left to represent us?

Bill ~ {The Old Fart} said...

Just don't send him North of the 49th Parallel, we have enough "Douche Bags" {Gotta Love Craig Ferguson} trying to run this Country.

Matthew said...

I'm just going to copy and paste your posting into Google, then I'll know enough to comment properly. :)

hope said...

Bill, I think Canada is a beautiful country and I would never pollute it. :) I'm thinking we should just donate the Governor to Argentina and send the Senator to England, where politicians yelling at each other while in session is the norm.

Matthew, I'll help you. Gov. Mark Sanford and Senator Joe Wilson. :) Hope you're enjoying your holiday.

Shordan said...

This is perhaps the singlemost funny blog I have ever read! You are awesome! After Wilson, Sanford, and that Miss America disaster, I'm almost embarrassed to say I'm from South Carolina these days. (Marion County) But that's okay, we were the first to secede and...well, I was going to use a play on words with the word succeed, but that seems a bit overly optimistic at present.

hope said...

Shordan, thank you for being another SC native who feels like the "grown ups" around here have gone AWOL. :) I know my Mama taught me manners...what happened to the rest of them?

Glad to have you....hope you can back.