Thursday, August 13, 2009

The Scarlet O'Hara Syndrome

You know what that is. It's shorthand for those things we put off because, as Scarlett famously put it, "tomorrow is another day."

Well tomorrow has arrived. And with it, wild eyed archers who are stunned at what happened in their closets during the winter.

Women are planners. Men are doers. Women understand the concept of "everything in its place" while men often go with the "everything all over the place" system. I joke that the reason men get married is so that someone in the house knows where everything is...even with 30 seconds notice.

That, you see, is the drawback to the "doer" system. It sounds so spontaneous. Fun. Adventuresome. And it might be a workable system if those in the XY gene pool didn't decide to "do" a few hours before the actual event. This is the height of archery season for hubby. Bow Season begins Aug. 15th.

Yes, just days prior to the season's start, archers everywhere are just now venturing into their closets to hunt for their bows. What they find is often not pretty.

The other cliche "out of sight, out of mind" must pertain to this phenomenon as well. I'm sure some of these guys were no doubt surprised to discover their bow was not put away as gently as they'd imagined. No, they approach the closet recalling their hard working hunting or target shooting companion of five months, all shiny and ready for action. In reality, what they often find is something that looks as if it belongs to the Peanuts cartoon character Pigpen. The shine has often been replaced with a light coat of grime from sweaty palms and any number of outdoor matter they encountered. There might actually be a leaf or two in the bow case. Some will be horrified to discover that the dozen arrows they had at the beginning of the season has mysteriously dwindled to three, obviously having gone AWOL while tucked away in the closet. You can't really blame them, you know. Considering the um...aroma that bow cases can emit when Hunter Man forgets to put the lid back snugly on a bottle of lure is well, ghastly at best and at worst, has amnesia producing capabilities. Overwhelmed by what is suppose to be nature's perfume, these archers forget that most of those missing arrows are lying somewhere in the woods, deserted and abandoned because someone didn't take time for target practice. Between the aroma and amnesia, archers are often shocked speechless at how frayed their bow string has become.

That's when the wild excuses....I mean stories, begin on how a mouse on steroids invaded the air tight bow case to chew strings and dine on arrow feathers.

Hubby is a really laid back, helpful kind of guy. This week, the archers arrived en masse, bows thrust forward like alien creatures they don't recognize, their expressions portraits of shock. In some cases, they are close to tears. They want to go outside and play but their toy is broken. It is at this point that Hubby brings them back to reality with a dose of tough love. He doesn't have time to be laid back and he probably offers advice which sounds a lot like parental lecturing concerning taking care of your toys. His days get longer, a fact his back and knees like to point out isn't to their liking. I usually just stay out of the way and handle the books.

But now that they've begun calling the house at all hours of the day and night, [just how do they get that number as it's unlisted?!] I feel really bad for him. I had today off, so I turned that sympathy into something more substantial and spent the morning in the shop with him, prior to opening. I fear I am too quick a study for my own good and may be invited back for more lessons. I'm thinking what will save me is that I can't keep a straight face. You see, most of these product names fall between gruesome [if you're female] and so testosterone laced that well, if you're a female it makes you laugh hysterically. It is hard to fathom how many companies can add the word "BEST" to their product titles with a straight face. And the adjectives used to describe tough run the gamut from "monster" to "intimidator" to ones I won't even bother you with. My teeth grinding favorite in fact is that these companies are now aiming [pardon the pun] for a female market. Their new bow for ladies? "Passion".

Oh, please.

There is only one company in the shop that sends a momentary chill down my spine...followed by hysterical laughter. As I said, I'm the bookkeeper and have to send checks to our vendors. Hey, I dare you to keep a straight face while writing a check to "Grim Reaper".

I kid you not.

Hubby said when calling to place an order, they cheerfully answer, "Grim Reaper!" He asked how many people freak out. The lady on the line laughed and said plenty, especially near Halloween.

I wonder if the guy who named that company picked such a moniker because it sounded intimidating...or if that's who his wife threatened to call when he tracked in enough of the outdoors to make the house look like the insides of a neglected bow case?


Titus said...

hope, what a brilliant post! A whole world I knew nothing about, so perfectly and humorously captured. I fully intend to steal "between the aroma and amnesia". Just a pleasure to read.

Peggy said...


I never knew any of this....what a hoot! My grandfather was a big hunter but that was before my time.
To think that the word "Passion" and Grim Reaper could be said in the same sentence when ordering over the phone...hilarius!
You are a GREAT story teller!

Bill ~ {The Old Fart} said...

Great post Hope, I've learned a bit here today. Didn't Scarlet also say "Fiddle Dee Dee" when she wanted to ignore something. Or was that from another movie?

Wishing you a Wonderful day.

the broken down barman said...

i wish we had a bow season here. that would be great fun. I could put it on my list of thigs to do the morn!!
clean hovel, learn guitar, learn drums, learn spanish, go shopping etc... if tommorrow ever comes i better be up early

mapstew said...

Wow, this takes me back!
We always made our own 'bows'n'arras' when we were kids! Many eyes were lost, but what fun!


Dave King said...

I feel like Titus: that you've introduced me to a whole new world, and written so illuminatingly about it that I am tempted to feel I know a bit about it. I loved the Grim Reaper bit. Wonderful, to be able to say that you've written a cheque to him!! What wouldn't I give to be able to say that!

hope said...

Titus, I'm not so sure hubby would agree totally with the portrayal of his customers but laughing keeps me happy. :) Feel free to borrow and phrases to your liking. Aren't you glad blogs don't have a "smell" capability?

Thanks Peggy. I was going through my photos the other day and found the shot I'd taken of the arrow in the target. I kept wondering how I could use it...guess I found a place.

Bill, thanks for not lecturing me on the fact that not all men are scatterbrained. Of course they aren't...but such a high percentage of these customers seem somewhat lost. :)

Barman, the hardest part is getting past making the list. :) I know, I've got one of those lists and I never seem to have time to contemplate it.

Map, somehow I can picture you telling the gullible neighborhood lad, "Oh just put the apple on your head and stand still!" :)

Dave, the one time it struck me as truly funny was when hubby called out from the other room to see what I was doing. When the reply was, "Writing a check to Grim Reaper", I burst out laughing. Perhaps he doesn't make personal visits as long as he gets his checks. ;0

Poetikat said...

Fascinating stuff! Give me a bow and arrow and somebody's very likely to require the services of "The Grim Reaper", not be design, you understand, by misadventure.

Why is it that men cannot locate something that is right in front of their faces? If I say to my husband, can you grab that (fill in the blank) in the fridge, closet, drawer, etc., he will stand there for an age until I get up myself and pick it out and show it to him. (This after he has said repeatedly, It's not here!, to my "Wanna bet?")


Hope, have you abandoned BFtP?

hope said...

Kat, I feel your pain. I ask Hubby how he can spot a deer in the woods from a moving car and yet not see the car keys on the table? Sigh.

No, I haven't deserted you...just was busy with that Softball Tournament. Last comment was on the swimming lessons...shuddering to think of it. :)

Poetikat said...

That's a relief. I couldn't find you in the followers group and was worried you'd dropped me for some reason.

As for men and their eyesight, who can say? My husband can spot and name any motorcycle on the road, off the road, in a parking lot, on an image on t.v., but ask him to pull a bottle of shampoo out of the closet? Impossible!

I was messed up for a week with a modem burnout and am finding it tough to get in the swing again. I will have a new BFtP up early next week. (I loved your comment on the swimming lessons.)


Susan at Stony River said...

LMAO! I love the way you brought that one full circle! We were in a gas station a few days ago waiting for our turn at checkout, when I nudged him and said, "there's maps". He said he didn't need a map, he'd find our destination fine. "You can't find your own laundry hamper" I said, and the checkout lady burst out laughing. I asked if she had a husband too, and she stopped laughing immediately and said, "Yeah."

Oh yeah.

I promised my husband his headstone would say "Not Yet"... because that's what he's always saying in life. (Did you pay the gas bill yet? Did you clean the gutters? Did you pick up milk?... Not yet...)

I wish I had a wife too! LOL

hope said...

Kat, I wouldn't desert you...we've had too many similar childhood experiences, even a country apart. :)

Susan, that comment made me laugh. Now hubby doesn't need maps as he has an internal compass...drop him in the middle of nowhere and he'd find his way out. Find something INSIDE the house, not always as easy. ;)

Dr.John said...

Now that sounds like real insight into what makes a business run.
But I would not under any circumstances call " The Grim Repear".

Eryl Shields said...

Brilliant post! My son works in the fishing business and tells similar stories.

How much do I want to phone 'Grim Reaper'!?