"Wednesday's Word" was missing for a reason...I couldn't find a word which sounded like a primal scream of frustration. I wasn't sure which was worse: the "intestinal bug" which appeared Monday evening or being taken to task by my Supervisor for doing my job. Yes, you read that correctly. Let's just say I went from Site B back to Site A to finish up for Monday night's festivities. My sin? I forgot to call the Office and say, "Mother may I?" The frustration comes from the fact I do my job, plus a LOT more, but if I lean towards "the line", not actually crossing it you understand, I get my hand smacked. Hard. Hubby says it's because of that do-the-right-thing mentality of mine. If my co-workers and I get reprimanded, in thirty minutes they couldn't tell you what was said. They don't care. Next topic. I'm the only one who takes it to heart , wondering how I could've done something better.
It's safe to read on. I'm over it.
I'm only human and far from perfect. Yes, you now have that in writing. I have this weird personality quirk which has a couple of stages. Accused of some wrong doing I haven't done, my immediate reaction is an internal, "Are you SERIOUS?!" This is followed by anger, also internal because to scream at people might result in physical altercations that someone my size could never win. When anger boils over to combine with sheer frustration, the tears come. Not for long and they are replaced by a sense of, well...calm. And then I burst out laughing, because allowing despair to spill over and run down my cheeks really messes with my already messed up sinuses.
And then I do something most people would view as odd: instead of getting even, I go looking for something good. Inspiring. And if I can't find it, I've been known to put that "random act of kindness" thing into play. It feels better than playing the victim when, deep down, I know I have a lot to be thankful for most days.
So you out there, fellow bloggers, helped me accomplish my goal. I found inspiration in Susan's story of her son, who was celebrating a birthday that the medical world declared should never have happened. If she'd believed the doctors, her son wouldn't have been around to see the next sunrise. If you want to see what a Christmas miracle looks like, check her out. I swear that little boy looks like an angel.
Rachel put music into my day, finding a song I hadn't thought about in ages. She even posted a video. Music doesn't just calm me, sometimes it just makes me happy to sing along at the top of my lungs for the sheer joy of it. Minus witnesses. When it comes to finding the right music, well you're just a Natural, Woman.
Radge's list of 50 things made me laugh and cry at the same time. Never have I seen the poor cucumber so despised by so many. The thing about Radge is, he always ends on a positive note. And speaking of lists, I now eagerly await to see what goes on Shug's list of "Three Things Scottish" which he finds preferable to English stereotypes of tea and double decker buses.
McDanger shared this week too. I'm glad we're past that time in life where men are suppose to keep a stiff upper lip when life kicks them in soft, [no, not there!] emotional places. Even the sadder note of his story ended with the positive.
Then there's Ken, whose foibles make me laugh hysterically, even when part of me thinks it's rude to laugh at another's pain or embarrassment. But I figure if he's going to go to all the trouble of writing it down, I might as well be a good audience. Now if only I could get the mental image of a goose in black tights out of my head.
Because you folks helped adjust my attitude in my quest for Goodness, I even had a genuine smile on my face today when I took my seniors' annual Food Basket to my Boss. She'd previously asked if we could aid her young neighbor. If anyone could use help in these economically challenging times, it's an 18 year old newlywed with a baby.....and a 13 year old step child! It was a doubly good deed, aiding the young couple and making me feel like I'd done something right. Plus it gave the Boss a moment to reflect on what not holding a grudge looks like.
Why do good for people you don't know? Why not? I know, I'm hopelessly optimistic, even when I know better. But you never know when a kind word at the right time, even if you're not actually aware it CAME at the right time, will make a difference. And that is a feeling money can't buy...a gift I truly treasure.
Hey Barman, although it didn't come wrapped in shiny paper with a big bow, thanks for your gift of words. It was just the kind of present I needed today.