Wednesday, December 31, 2008

I Don't Do Resolutions

Nope. Resolutions are a waste of time in my case. Now I'm famous for making lists as my brain actually believes crossing something off said list means an accomplishment of sorts. But somewhere along the way I decided resolutions were a set up for potential failure. My problem is if you're going to pick a goal, aim high. And then I fall short. The ego gets bruised. The brain starts reviewing everything like some mad official watching Replay of the big game. And the rest of me just sits and wonders where it all went wrong. It's depressing. So I made one New Year's resolution and I've kept it for years.

No more Resolutions.

Yes, I reflect and try to spot the error of my ways but for the most part, I simply resolve to try harder and do better. Sometimes I can, sometimes it's not up to me. Instead I'd rather play Queen for a Day here and share what I'd change if I had a magic wand which also kept away lawsuits. Feel free to play along. We can eat cake but no one's head will be lopped off. Unless they're a politician.

My first decree would be to outlaw politicians. If you are a responsible adult who can listen to reason, see both sides of the story and judge wisely what is best for ALL the people without padding your own pocket, feel free to ask to be my official representative. The services of "Professional politicians" whose campaign finances alone could settle the national debt will no longer be needed. Fear not, those of you who have served the public [cough, cough] for years, will surely thrive in your new position as a Sanitation Engineer. I suggest you wear gloves.

Administer an IQ, Hearing and Eye Test for any potential U.S. President. It helps if you speak the same language as the rest of us. I would decree that any President who goes around making war in my name will have duct tape administered to his mouth and a padded jacket with matching room to use for a Time Out. Remember "We the People" outnumber you. I think it's safe to say we've arrived at the "and we're not going to take it anymore!" phase. Then again, if you want to put on boxing gloves and go ten rounds with the President/Dictator of your choice, you have to win by a knock out and go home if you lose. No weapons allowed.

That said, World Peace for everyone. Hey if you're going to dream, dream big. I agreed with the Barman the other evening that people who do good actually outnumber the criminal element. The problem is, doing the right thing doesn't get you press coverage. Yeah, but it helps me sleep at night.

If you can't think of an original idea, don't make a movie. I don't know about you, but I'm really tiring of movies that are either stolen from another country to be made in "English", comic book characters come to life or worst of all, old television series! While I've been sick, I watched 6 movies and still fit in Christmas. I know, everything is subject to opinion.

Get Smart: "Chief, we missed it by THAT much". No, it missed by a mile. The old t.v. series was silly and campy...this was stupid. The highlight was Steve Carell torturing himself in the airplane restroom. No, I'm not going to explain that.

The Mummy 3: not the actual title, just the 3rd in the Brendan Faiser series. Mildly entertaining, better to be seen on a large screen I'd imagine. But hey, when's the last time you saw a movie about Mummies where Abominable Snowmen were the heroes?

Mama Mia: Sorry Matt, not as big an ABBA fan as you. I remember musicals from childhood. They actually had some dialog between those songs. Not so much here. And I have to say, although Pierce Brosnan is a handsome Irishman, he should never, ever be encouraged to sing again. Even in the shower.

Tropic Thunder: Yes, this is by far the most un-PC movie ever made. In fact Ben Stiller wrote it 10 years ago, not just as satire but making fun of movies like "Rambo". No studio would touch it. Why? Because it features a white Australian actor who undergoes skin coloring treatments to play a black man. What could've gone horribly awry was so well done by Robert Downey Jr. that I actually forgot he wasn't black. It's filled with inside Hollywood jokes. Jack Black of "Kung Fu Panda" fame is in this one and at one point Ben "Rambo" Stiller kills a panda and wears it as a hat. If you know going in there'll be a lot of wink, wink, nudge, nudge, it's actually a funny film. In fact, rumor is Downey may be up for a Supporting Actor bid.

The Golden Compass: Never has Nicole Kidman looked more lovely or been so creepily evil. My biggest beef with this film is the ending, which all but screamed, "Stay tuned for the sequel".

P.S. I Love You: I watched the ending again the other evening. If you're sentimental and love Ireland, Gerard Butler and Jeffery Dean Morgan, it'll make you smile. If not, you're probably male and have dubbed it a chick flick.

Write a book. Oh wait, that sounds like a resolution. Okay, I will compile lots of words, like many lists and try to include a plot. Should I fail, it's only a list.

Tell people you noticed when they do something good. Yesterday I ran into the Deputy who checked out my "visitor" after our break in. When I saw him I greeted him with a smile and a hearty, "My hero!" The man grinned from ear to ear as the others in the room looked at him with new respect. Law enforcement is very hands off, unless cuffs are involved. He put his hand on my shoulder, leaned down and whispered, "Everything going okay?" I reassured him, he reassured me and the rest of the room was reminded that cops are willing to put their lives on the line to protect us...and we don't even say thanks. Therefore I hereby declare that you, fair readers, are good people. You have a command of not only the English language for writing purposes, you have the patience to explain to others colloquial differences. We've helped each other in ways that are not measurable financially. And I wouldn't trade any of you.

Go forth into the New Year expecting happiness, miracles and laughter. Who knows, we might luck out and actually get it. :)


Rachel Fox said...

Yes, I'd be happy if Brosnan would make a resolution... not to sing in public again!

Susan said...

I like the Queen for a Day game!

After the over-political year we've all had, I'd be glad to have you reign long enough to get those tests done and the duct-taping.

Happy New Year my friend!!

Radge said...

I'm sorry, Hope, I'm really very sorry... But, please... I know I'm male but I'm Irish and PS I Love You is an insult...

Please don't think we're like that. Please don't. Evil film. Bad bad!!

hope said...

Rachel I heard an interview where Brosnan said his family would leave the room when he practiced but eventually found him tolerable. My guess is because they have to live with him. :)

Susan, feel free to add your own Queenly decrees.

Radge, I suddenly remembered after writing about that movie that previously Ken took me to task and I couldn't remember why. Is it something to do with the author or her circumstances? If I apologize, can I still admire Ireland, Gerard Butler, Jeffery Dean Morgan and you? ;)

Radge said...

I can accept that, Hope! The person who wrote it is the daughter of the former Irish prime minister, or Taoiseach (pronounced tea-shock). Anyway, the feeling prevails that she was only published because of who her father was.

Not sure this is true, maybe she has some talent. I haven't read her stuff, but the film was the worst I've ever seen.

There's my review, but you are forgiven as flattery gets you everywhere! Be well soon...

mills said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
hope said...

Because I'm not starting out the first of the year being spammed. :)

Happy New Year to you all!

Dave King said...

Nothing there to disagree with - no matter what condition one is in.