Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Here's Your Change

This morning I heard a news anchor cheerfully announce that it was exactly eight weeks to the Presidential election. My reaction was swift.

I'll never make it.

It's bad enough that candidates start running for office two years before the office is even open. Or that no one with a good idea is embraced if they're on the wrong political "team". Supposedly "We the People" are being represented. Sadly, we weren't given team jerseys, so we're only good once every four years when the team needs many mascots.

This morning's snippet of equal opportunity candidate bashing made me snap. One claims to be a "maverick", the other snipes that the maverick stole his word. Gee, I didn't know the word "change" belonged to one person. I wonder if the cashier who handed me back some money yesterday knew she was suppose to get permission before saying, "Here's your change. Have a good day!"?

I have a very simple suggestion for how both candidates can illustrate the word change....besides remembering you're trying to convince me that YOU should be the guy [or gal] with your finger on the red button which can change the world. I am an intelligent, well read adult human being with a functioning brain. This means I know the office for which you are mud slinging is not on a playground but one of immense power. However, I'm not so sure you know that. I have two words for both teams.

Grow up.

This is not a personality contest. No. Really. Running for President is not the same as being elected Miss America. And frankly, right now both of you are losing points for style and presentation. Sniping and mud slinging are not talents. They are annoying attempts to cover what you haven't figured out yet. How about concentrate on your viewpoint instead of putting so much effort into what the other guy is doing wrong. See above paragraph: I have a brain and I actually use it to figure out stuff. With your current attitudes, neither of you will win Miss Congeniality. I suppose I should just be grateful that a swim suit competition hasn't been added to the "how low can you go while claiming to be morally superior?"

Mom documented in my baby book that I actually sat and watched a political convention at the age of five. Sure, we had three whole networks back then and Dad was in charge of what we watched. But Mom noted my great enthusiasm when John Kennedy appeared on screen, at which point I supposedly said,"There he is. Now on with the show!"

I'm beginning to think my interest in politics peaked at age five.

The way women in my family age, I've got another fifty years of this campaign stuff to endure. So I'd appreciate it if you candidates would get your acts together, tell me what YOU think, what your plan is to fix what is wrong and perhaps occasionally inquire what I perceive as my day-to-day needs. Yes candidates, there is a world outside of D.C....the one which funds your playground temper tantrums. So how about show me what you're really made of and stop making me feel like the kid in "The Emperor's New Clothes" who is constantly on the verge of pointing out that you're naked. Loudly. With enthusiasm.

In the meantime, kindly stay away from red buttons. And if you remain confused and grumpy, then the cashier is getting my vote.

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